Suck my nuts, Walking Dead.

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS

Walking Dead has become that boyfriend you know you ought to break up with. You know he’s not good for you, but you just can’t bring yourself to quit him. But you’re thinking about it.

Here’s a Facebook post I wrote after last season’s finale, complete with typos:

walkind-dead-fb-post

 

Last night’s season premiere was every bit as brutal as we’d been promised. But I think the writers and producers of the show still don’t quite get why we were so mad at last season’s cliffhanger, because they did it again in this episode. We were about half-way through before they answered the question they started asking as soon as they revealed Negan was coming.

On Talking Dead after the show, they spent a lot of time discussing Rick. How Rick had to be broken. That was what it was all about, breaking Rick.

But, as with the season finale, that wasn’t the story the viewers were there for.

We had been waiting to learn who Negan would kill for something like a year. We spent all last season talking about it, examining story lines, talking about who was alive or dead already in the book.

Then, after a long summer where we were promised it would be worth it… we still had sit through half an episode to get the answer.

But wait, there’s more.

SPOILERS FOR REALZIES, NOW.

Alright. You killed Abraham. Even though I loved that character, I didn’t mind it so much, in no small part because of his defiance and bravery. He went out well.

And we relaxed. Abraham was high on the list of possible fatalities, in no small part because he’d already been killed by then in the book.

Then Daryl punches Negan and we think – Oh, Darryl is going to die too! [I’ve said it before, but I’ll go on record – Darryl will never die until and unless Norman Reedus is ready to go. When Reedus says “I’m ready to go,” THEN he’ll die. Not before].

Then… BOOM, Glen… Heartbreaking. Brutal. Graphic.

Then… THEN… Rick’s in the camper with Negan, and we keep coming back to that ax.

Even those of us who never read the comic know that Rick has lost a hand in the book. Again and again we are teased and taunted with that ax.

Only to find out… No, it’s Carl! Oh, no, oh, God… no… Then, like God and Abraham, the son is spared.

All in all, by the time the episode was over, I was angry. I was angry at the writers, the producers, and everyone else.

The entire episode felt like a cruel joke. A “screw you!” to all the fans who complained over the summer. A “Haha! We FOOLED you!”

I’m gonna keep watching. Maybe I’ll get won over. I haven’t loved everything they’ve done on the show but always ended up glad I watched.

But you had better make it up to me, Walking Dead!

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